Crappy Scrappers & Just Plain Crap

In the dark basement corner sits this little gem:

Giant furnace oil cistern--full of oil

I placed an ad on Craigslist in hopes of getting some toothless aggression, scrap lovin', hustler to get it out for me.

Boy, did I luck out! Like the unwritten rules of Craigslist dictate, first come, first serve.  The first kid came with a rust bucket pickup.  Alone.  Without tools.  The conversation went as follows:

Me:  "Hi there!  Do you have help coming?"
Scrapper:  "I'z real strong.  I got dis.  Where's yo' drain?"
Me:  "My drain?  For what?"
Scrapper:  "I'z gots to get dis oils out."
Me:  "You...want...to put furnace oil down the drain?!"
Scrapper:  "Uh, yeah."
Me:  "Get out." (Okay, so I may have said, "Go get something to drain into and dispose of this oil and tools and help.  Call me when you're ready."  Get out would have been a better choice.)

Another sketch guy showed up to "check out this job".  He, at least, had a plan of attack to return later with the right tools and such.  This time I begged my friend and her husband to come wait with me while he crept around in the basement.  He was late but was kind enough to text me every mile he got closer in traffic.  Seriously.

I'm three miles out...I'm a mile out...Traffic is bad...I'm a few blocks away...I'm 'bout pulled up...I'm in front of your house.

It was a different guy.  I still haven't figured out how I crossed wires and forgot the second weirdo, but there was this man with his three helpers, ages 13, 11 and 7.  I admire your use of child labor, sir!

He started by draining the oil and asked if I needed anything else hauled away.

Well, don't mind if I do!

We found cooked spaghetti on the wall behind this medal delight!

CSI: Louisville...dun, dun, dun.

I guess the cloth was a modified humidifying device?

Those kids were Hauses!  Dad ran around and they jumped when he barked.  They even swept up the crumbly messes left when they pulled out the A/C unit.  I'm impressed!

When the truck was full and the oil was still draining, he asked to come back the next day.  Sure, why not?  He clearly had his crap together!  See you mañana, sir!  He lifted the hood, wire started his loaded down pickup and drove away.  This was Wednesday.  He never came back.  <sad face>

Anyone need a furnace oil cistern?